Inner being

1 month and 17 days

I still get my days. Somedays are worse than others, some sadder than others, some more frustrating than others and some just way to neutral for me to even comprehend. Some days are good. I left your photo's behind. I left your gifts behind. I left the place that carries all the memories of our past behind. I left you behind. 

Yet I wake up in the middle of the night. Yet I see you at the places I visit. I see you in other people's smiles. I hear your voice in the music on the radio. I feel your presence in my house. I have to constantly stop in my way and remind myself that I left you behind. 

I search for you in the crowds of people. I search for you in my dreams. I search for you at night and day. I get ideas to surprise you. I have thoughts of what things would've been like. I think of my original life plan and realise that it completely changed. I want to spoil you with coffee in bed. Sometimes I catch myself taking out two cups and not just one. I do exercise to stop thinking but even that doesn't work. I drink and dance to stop thinking, end up on stages and then it reminds me of how we met. I still smile when you sms me. I still wonder about you everyday. I still think " He would like that". I still want to be there yet i'm to far away. 

The memories will always be there. People change. What should change is the way I see you. But that in it self is something that will take time if ever to change. It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

I cherish the moments we had together, I cherish the laughter in my dreams. I cherish the smiles on my face and the happiness I once carried with me. I cherish the looks you gave me and the stories we shared, the problems we overcame and the team we became I once promised to look after your heart and never break it and I'll keep my promise. 

I'm away and I don't know the end game but I'm going to enjoy life as it passes me by until hopefully one day we meet again.