The truth...
I think most people who moved overseas will agree with what I have to say in this post. It's not really a big secret that I probably made one of the most selfish decision of my life. And I'm not a selfish person in nature at all so making this decision was hard.
I have only been to one country and thus I haven't fully experienced the whole traveling thing. Yes, traveling to another country for 2 weeks also counts but it merely gives you a glimpse of that country and you never really settle down and evaluate life since it's so damn busy.
People told me how awesome it was to travel overseas and how it will benefit you, how it broaden their horizons and makes you a more open-minded person. People told me all the great, fantastic things that they experienced but there's the flaw in their comments and their stories. They don't tell you what they went through emotionally to get there. They don't tell you the negatives, only the positives.
I saw this post on Facebook and I thought I would post it on my blog as well since it's extremely relevant to how I currently experience things.
1. Your loved ones will be devastated.
No matter how you try to sugarcoat it, moving abroad is essentially a selfish decision. It's great because you are following your dreams and you are choosing a life you would want to live but in reality you are not making anyone other than yourself happy. Someone will get hurt. I think if I decide to stay overseas for longer than a year there will be family members who would get really upset.
I think my amazing friends hide their feelings from me in order to show support. They don't want to share their doubts, fears and "What the hell are you doing" thoughts.
I think the bottom line here is that although you are the one moving and making the big change leaving everything you know behind, you are causing everyone else's life the change.
2. You feel guilty all the time
Every time someone from home wants to talk or want to skype with you and you are busy or out and about exploring and making the most of your time you feel guilty.
A good friend of mine broke the news to me that she was 5 months pregnant just before I left for Korea. I climbed on the plane knowing that I won't be able to be there for her when the baby comes, nor will I be able to help her arrange the baby room or make a list of the things she needs, for the babyshower.
My grandfather had a health scare very soon after I left for Korea and I couldn't be there just to ask how his feeling or make him a cup of tea.
This might sound stupid but I couldn't give my cute doggie a tummy rub or a cuddle after he go run over by a car.
You aren't there for he lows nor are you there for the highs. I missed my grandmother's and father's birthday and I know already now that I will miss my only brother's 21st. And in the future... how do you choose between a family members birthday party or a friends wedding or the cressening of a baby? You can't fly back and forth the whole time. And choosing one will prevent you from going to the other.
I think it became clear to me that time and finances will ultimately be the determining factor of my social life and the choices that I make.
Life goes on back at home and you aren't apart of it and you can't support anyone. It makes you feel like a horrible person especially when your family and friends start telling you how much they wish you shared some memory with them.
3. You'll feel really, really lonely
Everything is so new that you feel overwhelmed at first. It suppresses the feeling of feeling lonely even though you are pretty much alone. But after a little while it does crawl in.
You meet so many people and you create new friendships and life is just awesome but then you still get that feeling. The feeling of being alone becomes very prominent even though you are sitting at a dining table with 10 great friends or if you are surrounded by smiling little faces all day. It's inevitable. It happens.
The reason? Well it's pretty simple. No one shares your previous memories or stories with you. The friendships you have are very fun and exciting but they aren't really relationships or deep concurred friendships. You hardly know their past and you don't know how you should or shouldn't act around them. You throw balls at them and you see what sticks.
Sometimes it feels like that first few days of University but the difference is your loved ones aren't as close as they used to be... They are in a whole different country.
4. You won't fit in anymore.
Moving here, and yes its only been 3 months, changed me already. I discovered things I love and hate and also came to terms that it's okay not to like something and voice it. I learned really quickly how to take control of my own life and make decisions for myself without the input of somebody else or considering somebody else for that matter. Some things/ mindsets/believes I had to change because it just wasn't relevant anymore (Pointless).
All of this is good but in reality or in the bigger picture it's also alienating me from those I used to know and from what I used to call home. Because a big part of me growing into an independent adult is happening somewhere else entirely it's hard to identify with what used to be making it rather in some cases impossible. The problem with this is that when I'm gonna go home after being away so long people will expect the old me to pitch up at their doorstep where as this will not be the case.
When you are in a different country you make yourself at home. You build everything from the ground up. You start with a suitcase and build yourself up to a house filled with the things you like. You build memories in that house and attach meaning to certain things. But you still lack the roots and history since you haven't been there your whole life and despite your best efforts you will never fit in completely.
Some people ask themselves where they want to get old and retire. As a traveler your biggest problem is that you have alienated yourself from your home country and you never really completely fit in at your current destination so you end up moving from one place to the next in the hopes that you would find a place to call home, but this never really happens. Answering questions like "Where do I belong?", "Where is home?" becomes a struggle causing most people to hop around the globe.
5. You lose dear friends
You grow apart. What might have been the best friendships and the strongest bonds disappears. And it's no one's fault.
My simple reason for this: you live it separate realities.
Choosing different paths ends friendships, just like it ends relationships. It's inevitable, it's life but that doesn't make it easy. By losing friends you lose a part of yourself and your history.
When I left the airport and said goodbye to my friends everyone promised me that they would keep in contact with me. They wanted to skype every week and follow my journey. And most of it was empty promises.
In general your family and friends cannot fully relate to your stories despite your best efforts. Most of the time when you do speak to people back home they want to know about all your experiences since it's fascinating and different and why won't they? But by always speaking about yourself and about your life gets rather boring to be honest.
Nevermind the fact that I, like many others, get irritated in doing so for the simple fact that it's all about us and we hardly get to talk about the things that's happening back at home. We are pushed to alienation since everything at home stays the same according to those back at home when, quite frankly it doesn't.
We make time and appointments with those back home to talk but a lot of the time those skype sessions are either cut short because life goes on or it's canceled because of routine.
It's rather sad to me that I talk to my close friends maybe once a week or even maybe once in 2 weeks where I used to talk to them every single day. Most of the time I find out about things that happens back at home via Facebook which is not ideal. Imagine a world without Facebook or Skype for that matter where a post card takes a month to deliver.
"Determination is when you know you cannot do something but you have the will to try anyway"
